Earlier this year we had a really awesome profile piece on Lifehacker about “How I Parent” as a Roadschooling mom. I knew it was coming because I’d been interviewed for it, though I, admittedly, didn’t realize how big that platform was when I was quickly and not that thoughtfully typing out the answers to my questions. When people started congratulating me for the feature the day it went live, and remarking how cool it was, I got so excited to go read it. I noticed there were already 36 comments, which is pretty impressive in 2018 because nobody comments on blog posts anymore.
(It appears some of the other comments that originally appeared have been deleted or hidden.)
Listen, I’ve been blogging for over 11 years, and I totally know how the internet can be. I knew not to expect all sunshine and rainbows in the comments, but figured there would be some people who were excited to hear about our adventure, maybe even wondering if they could do something similar.
As we were driving down the highway, making our way toward Yellowstone, I read comment after comment and my stomach sank. Every single one was negative. Not just in the “Ew, I’d never do this” way. Again, I expect that. This isn’t for everyone. This life is many people’s literal idea of hell. I get it.
And, it wasn’t the comments like this that upset me the most:
“My main concern is really that these kids will grow up believing that ‘influencer’ is a real vocation,” and “Basically, they are dragging their kids all over the place so that they can create internet content.”
I’ve been called a shill and a sell-out, and told to “get a real job” more times than I can count. This is a family business, and my kids are very involved in making decisions. I check with the ones old enough to have opinions before I post any video or picture. That’s why there are less of those with my older kids in them.
What completely caught me off guard were the comments like:
“Children need opportunities to grow away from their parents and siblings. This is a highly inappropriate way to raise children who you hope to be fully functional in our society.
Children who move around a lot growing up have been found to have a poorer quality of life as they try to settle as adults and often perform worse academically once they have to re-enter the real world’s education system.
IMO, homeschooling is a form of child abuse. It may seem fun while the children are small but will leave them emotionally and socially stunted.”
and
“Yeah, this is f-ed up. They’re completely denying their children the chance to have friends, let alone be socialized normally. I can’t imagine how devastating this would’ve been to me as a kid.”
It’s rare for internet comments to make me cry. I mostly keep my houses (my blogs and social platforms) troll free spaces, and I welcome constructive feedback and productive dialogue, but I don’t needlessly expose myself to the opinions other people have about me. I don’t seek out gossip sites or click through on incoming links I think will take me to a place where I will read what people would never say to my face.
But there I was, as we pulled into a truck stop in Montana, fighting to keep back the tears, not wanting my kids to see me cry over a bunch of dumb comments on the internet.
And then the absolute craziest thing happened in the bathroom of this truck stop. I went to pee, shut my stall door, sat down, and looked up to see this.
In case you can’t read that, it’s a speech by Teddy Roosevelt “The Man In The Arena”
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
This came at a time when I was not only faced with these ridiculous opinions about how we were damaging our children while doing this trip, but when I was personally struggling with what “success” on this trip would look like. We were half-way through the year, and nothing seemed “fixed.” It felt like we’d been holding our breath for everything to settle and fall into place in terms of routines and work-life balance. And it was becoming clear that that just wasn’t going to happen at all. Redefining that idea of success was beginning to be ok with me, but I worried a lot about others judging us for doing this and not doing it “right.” Whatever that even means. (Sometimes my brain is a real jerk to me like that.)
So I’m just sitting there, peeing and crying in Montana. I’m having like a weird God/Universe moment in a truck stop bathroom. I feel like I was supposed to read that right then and there. I mean, you guys, I went and checked all 6 stalls, and this was only hanging in 2 of them. The stall I used, and the one Leyna used. I know, right? What. Why is this EVEN IN A BATHROOM STALL??
Anyway, when I got back in the truck, I told Scott about it, and then Kendall wanted me to read it to him, so I began to read it to everyone… and then I totally broke down. And I cried those tears in front of my kids that I had been trying to hide from them. And I didn’t apologize or down play them. I talked to them about how hard and scary it can be to take big risks, and how people may try to tear you down when they don’t understand the choices you make, but that doesn’t make your choices wrong or dumb, even if you fail.
But, I guess we’ll have to see if my kids will be able to function in society after being raised in such an inappropriate way. What a shame they aren’t learning anything on the road.
Also, I wrote this blog in response to these comments and some others.
19 comments
Jill,
I’ve been following you since Baby Rabies. People can be assholes as you know Here’s the thing, you are an amazing mom. You are doing the very best you can and you are giving your kids adventures unlike any others. Someday they’ll look back and they’ll thank you. Shit, I’m thanking you for them! Your kids will grow up and have friends, they will be successful in their own ways, I’m pretty jealous of their quality of life 🙂 they are seeing things and doing things that in my 38 years of life have never experienced. Those people need to move along if what YOU are doing isn’t for them!
You are so kind, Sarah. Thank you!
I love your blog, have been following since Lenya was a baby. You’re a great mom and your kids are going to be just fine.
Thank you so much, Jasmine. I appreciate you following and commenting and your kind words. <3
People who say things like “studies show.. ..” on the Internet have already lost creditbility for me. Also, they are assuming that the majority of the earth’s population (because they live in small spaces) will be unadjusted adults. Coming from a family who has lived in 4 states and 3 countries, my experience is that it has forced me out of my comfort zone, made me resilient, built up my character and made me a more empathetic person as a whole. Plus, I tell way better stories at parties! Keep on doing you, I wish I could give only a small part of what you are giving to your kids on the road.
Jill, I’ve been following you for years and have been seriously excited for you and your family on this adventure! I have told so many people about your story because I think that the idea behind it is amazing! You’really thinking differently about what success is, what happiness is, what STABILITY is, and the experiences you are providing your family are priceless. As a homeschooler, I struggle with some of the same criticisms from people I don’t know (our families support our choices), but also from myself because I am my own worst critic. Keep doing what you’re doing because no one knows what is best for you and your family except you.
Also, I never comment on blogs, Facebook, or Twitter, but I felt that it was important for you to hear words of affirmation from people who support you!!
Also, I never comment on blogs, Facebook, or Twitter, but I felt that it was important for you to hear words of affirmation from people who support you!!
Thank you, Megan! I appreciate you taking the time to tell me that. xoxo
You may not consider yourself brave or strong or courageous, but setting out on this journey and putting it out there for everyone to comment on is all of those. I absolutely love what your family is doing. We talk as a family about how much we’d love to do it. It’s not in the cards currently, but it’s a dream out there in the world that I’m hopeful we’ll fulfill some day. Please keep doing what you are doing. Keep being real. Everyone won’t like it, but you are encouraging people. You are an influencer, in all the best ways. I’ve followed you for a long time and you’ve opened my eyes to so much in such a good way. Thank you!
I think what you are doing is amazing for your kids. I dream of doing this with my family. I have 6 kids and can’t quite figure out how to manage it yet but we live for weekends and summer vacation road trips and adventures. My kids are so envious of your family’s travels. Thanks for sharing the highs and the lows with us! And remember, you are their mom. Only you knows what’s best for your family. Not people hiding behind their screens. Keep sharing! Keep adventuring! We love it!
Jill, I love reading your blogs, seeing your pictures of our country and your family. I call you ‘my’ happyloudlife family when I share your adventures with my husband, daughter and friends. I see your adventures as brave steps. I’m sure your children will have the fondest memories of your time on the road. I appreciate your openness with regard to the struggles to make it happen. You are doing a great job!
I think what you’re doing is amazing. Your kids are going to grow up with happy, loving & fun memories. Not just of playing with little Johnny down the street but exploring the unknown. Meeting people, gaining life experience. Along with all the personable skills they’ll get from meeting people outside their little circle of friends. It’s amazing. You’re teaching them so much without really knowing it I think. And PS. Those people who are criticizing you are just uneducated and probably don’t realize how great this is for your family!
I’ve been following you with such admiration and (friendly) envy, from the UK, since your first video where you talked about selling your house! What you are doing is awesome. My kids are 16 and almost 19 now – it IS too late for us to do this until, perhaps, statutory education is done for them – and I regret procrastinating, when they were smaller, about doing similar and not actually realising it. And I only have TWO kids! Your energy, versatility, openess and honesty is inspiring and the parent partnership you have with Scott is aspirational. (I am very blessed to have a husband who has an equal presence in our boys lives too). Don’t give the ‘haters’ the brain space, life really is too damn short. Just carrying on truly living it, as you are. Xx
Jill, I’ve been following you since the bump, through Baby Rabies and now happy loud life. I admire your willingness to take risks, and your openness and vulnerability. I’ve never once thought you were doing anything negative to your kids, but rather have been in awe of the gift they will have of having seen the breadth and diversity of their country. And it seems to me that the challenges of being on the road are going to be strengths later in their life, learning how to get along and love each other and seeing the courage you and Scott demonstrate each day. Thank you for sharing and inspiring me 🙂
Former BUMP follower here 😉. I’m crying big ugly tears now. Big hugs to you and your family for being willing to take a leap of faith and try something different when that “American dream” wasn’t working. I follow and read, but never really stop to read the comments or even comment myself. You’re teaching your kids so much more than they could ever learn in a classroom, just to test to. You’re teaching them it’s okay to go for it and not conform to what other people think is “the norm” and unfortunately that makes some people uncomfortable. Thank you for sharing your journey, ALL OF IT; the good the bad and the ugly. It means more to may of us than you could ever know and I hope that cancels out some of the negativity.
P.S. We’ve been to 2 state parks now after watching your new journey and have plans to try and visit at least 1 a year. They’re learning while on vacation and don’t even know it! #momwin
Jill, I’ve been following you since chat room days. Is that what they call them? I don’t even remember anymore. You know I’ve asked you questions about different things, commented on numerous posts, etc. You and Scott took such a big leap and honestly, couldn’t be more proud of you. What your whole family is learning and growing through this experience that you’re giving them is irreplaceable, and frankly, I think it would be super cool if I was a kid to be able to travel all around the U.S. for a year. People can be assholes and hide behind a screen to type their comments so they won’t get backlash. They have their own opinions. OPINIONS. You’re doing what’s right for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Not theirs. It’s hard but try not to listen. Isn’t it weird that we find the strangest things (like that quote) in the strangest places (the bathroom)? The universe is pretty cool like that…keep looking, I bet you’ll find more.
You know that quote was the inspiration for Brene Brown’s new book, too, so I love that Mr. Roosevelt is still inspiring the women of today. You are giving your kids a gift and I admire you greatly.
This is my first time visiting your blog, however, when you are blogging there will be always silly individuals who are seeking attention. Just do your work and be happy